an evening’s worth of lunches *may contain expenses*

Hello All

Following my recent spectacular failure at ‘bad cop’ emailing…  I am
returning to my preferred style of ‘possibly tipsy whimsical cop’

The girl from six boats down texted me tonight’s dinner menu (Sicilian
fish Stew, ‘posh’* bread, bottle of nice Italian red) and I texted
back that she made my heart sing… she answered back, how so? I said
like a drunken karaoke singer at the last chance saloon… I have not
heard back. Getting the tone right is not always easy whilst saying
the wrong thing or things wrongly is quite frankly a piece of piss. It
can be in the pursuit of romance that words fail to carry the message…
or worse still in the pursuit of sex… there can be no coming back from
getting the tone wrong in the boudoir… It can be with the family,
even now at thirty seven my mum can tell me I have gone too far
without saying a word.. It can be in the pub with friends when
everything you say makes you sound like a fruity liberal when you just
want to be one of the lads… It can be in the workplace where you can
accidentally miss hear the word ‘whore’ (horse was the word that was
said) and give a colleague completely the wrong impression of what the
afternoon holds for them… It can be on the internet where saying the
wrong thing can lead to new followers on Twitter who like to wear
bikinis or worse… I once had a facebook stalker who thought all my
status updates were related to her (I was prone to posting lyrics from
obscure indie records at this point in an attempt to make myself look
more interesting)… she started phoning me at work and telling me
when she had driven past my mum’s house and all sorts of crazy
business**…  the amount of trouble one can get in for saying the wrong
things is endless… Remember though the words that can cause the most
trouble if not used correctly are ‘I love you’ and not any words that
I have written about expenses in any of my previous emails *medium

So please any expenses you have please get down to my desk by the
close of play tomorrow (Friday). As a general rule please all keep on
top of your expenses and try and keep them within a month…

Have a fun weekend people and try and not say too much that might land
you in hot water, I will be at a boozy family party ‘up north’ so
doubt I will be able to practice what I preach…



*M&S or better
** I thought about it… but then thought better of it.


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