mind the gap *may contain expenses*

Hello All

 

 

Last weekend my heart was gladdened by the news… this does not happen often these days. Normally the news brings a sigh and a pained expression to me and the girl from six boats down faces as we listen to 6 Music and plot indie pop world domination. Normally the news is full of death, rape, fire and futile cut backs that penalise the wrong people, and that is just the football round up. This Saturday a little story broke, a little tale of people going out of their way, of love, of non bureaucratic thinking and mostly a story of how things could and should be.

A lady misses her husband, she misses his voice, a voice that used to remind us not to fall between the train and the platform across the Northern Line…. a voice that had recently disappeared, not only from our ears but of the woman who misses that voice more than anyone else. When she asked for a recording of the message was this lady told that due to regulations unfortunately London Underground regretfully can’t help her in this matter? Was a half arsed gesture made involving the wrong recording and an email MP3?… No!!! London Underground went the extra mile, they not only found the recording but reinstated the message at Embankment so she could once again visit the station and hear the voice she so misses. An unprecedented example of a big clumsy and under threat organisation going an extra mile.

 

We are desensitised in these times as people are too busy and too focused on their own survival, we are used to call centres in sunnier climes with scripts that must be adhered to. We are used to the computer not only saying no but also reminding us that payment is due regardless of service interruptions according to the small print and any mistakes made or responsibilities are blamed and passed to others who are unavailable and unaccountable. I know it might be a little cheap publicity, I would like to think it is not… but why can’t more things be like this, red tape slackened and people allowed to make judgement calls without the filling of forms and requests being escalated to the management teams… I don’t know, I am a hopeless romantic (in both senses) but to me this was a little example of how things can be just a little bit better without being costly or effecting profit… just people being nice and really nice things happening that bring a little joy… We are not machines and accordingly should not be treated as machines…. I AM NOT A NUMBER I AM A FREE MAN…

 

 

That said if you could all have a scrape around in your desks and drawers and under your keyboards and at the back of your wallets and in your socks and have your expenses down to me by the close of play today and I will be happy in a different and much less/more meaningful way…

 

Cheers

 

 

Dominic

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Your momma *may contain expenses*

Hello All

 

 

I could not help but notice that the mail tray was full of cards yesterday, the usual white window envelopes addressed to companies in business parks off roundabouts replaced by slightly oversized coloured envelopes addressed to ladies in lanes and avenues in towns across the land. At first I thought that people are really are starting to take Woman’s Day a lot more seriously… but then it struck me… Mothers Day is upon us… so I thought I would do today’s email on fishing and quad biking… actually today’s email is a short one because I am busy/have writers block/ have not done anything interesting/ am tired/ thinking about other things (see attached diagram for explanation)… So I hope all the mothers in the company are well looked after, that the expectant mothers are even more excited* and all the blokes do the right thing and pull their fingers out.

Image

So please pop down and claim you expenses from me before 5.30 as it will be Monday if you come after 5.30… Thanks by the way… yesterday was a day of never ending cheque writing… I should be careful what I wish for.

 

 

Cheers

 

 

Dominic

 

*Yes excited… it is going to be fun.

an evening’s worth of lunches *may contain expenses*

Hello All

Following my recent spectacular failure at ‘bad cop’ emailing…  I am
returning to my preferred style of ‘possibly tipsy whimsical cop’
emailing…

The girl from six boats down texted me tonight’s dinner menu (Sicilian
fish Stew, ‘posh’* bread, bottle of nice Italian red) and I texted
back that she made my heart sing… she answered back, how so? I said
like a drunken karaoke singer at the last chance saloon… I have not
heard back. Getting the tone right is not always easy whilst saying
the wrong thing or things wrongly is quite frankly a piece of piss. It
can be in the pursuit of romance that words fail to carry the message…
or worse still in the pursuit of sex… there can be no coming back from
getting the tone wrong in the boudoir… It can be with the family,
even now at thirty seven my mum can tell me I have gone too far
without saying a word.. It can be in the pub with friends when
everything you say makes you sound like a fruity liberal when you just
want to be one of the lads… It can be in the workplace where you can
accidentally miss hear the word ‘whore’ (horse was the word that was
said) and give a colleague completely the wrong impression of what the
afternoon holds for them… It can be on the internet where saying the
wrong thing can lead to new followers on Twitter who like to wear
bikinis or worse… I once had a facebook stalker who thought all my
status updates were related to her (I was prone to posting lyrics from
obscure indie records at this point in an attempt to make myself look
more interesting)… she started phoning me at work and telling me
when she had driven past my mum’s house and all sorts of crazy
business**…  the amount of trouble one can get in for saying the wrong
things is endless… Remember though the words that can cause the most
trouble if not used correctly are ‘I love you’ and not any words that
I have written about expenses in any of my previous emails *medium
wink*…

So please any expenses you have please get down to my desk by the
close of play tomorrow (Friday). As a general rule please all keep on
top of your expenses and try and keep them within a month…

Have a fun weekend people and try and not say too much that might land
you in hot water, I will be at a boozy family party ‘up north’ so
doubt I will be able to practice what I preach…

Cheers

Dominic

*M&S or better
** I thought about it… but then thought better of it.