romance is not dead *may contain expenses*

Hello all


Next week is everyone’s favourite religious occasion… Valentine’s Day… I mean St Valentine’s Day… I am only aware of it because of the adverts and emailed special offers I am seeing and receiving. Pizza Express sent me a voucher to that on this most romantic and loving occasion I will get my lover pizza for just £2.50 if I pay full price for mine… I could turn a profit if I was truly romantic and went Dutch. Also I have seen and advert for offering 2 dozen roses and a personalised card for just £35… if I played my cards right I could get through this for less than £100…


Ok I confess I am not a massive fan of this occasion and it’s over crowded restaurants and over priced set menus, not because I am not romantic… in fact the opposite, I believe that the romance should be the default and not saved for a special day… also the restaurant thing really bugs me, I feel barred from going out for dinner! I was once with my uncle, a catholic priest as he tried to book a table for 6 visiting priests at his local and very regular local restaurant on the following Tuesday. This just happened to be Valentine’s day and the mutual lack of understanding between priest and restaurateur was a joy to behold… the poor host trying to explain why six chubby Irish priests in his intimate restaurant might not create the mood he was hoping for on the evening. The whole thing does not make sense to me, we have anniversaries to celebrate the love we share with our significant others, we have birthdays to celebrate ourselves and we have Christmas to over eat and buy stuff… this seems like a waste of a holiday to me. If your relationship is needing propping up by £35 roses then you might as well open the night and make sweet love to the night for all the good it will do. That said it is better than ordering from


You should fill your lives together with little moments of nice, little flourishes of romance, a nice meal for two at an intimate restaurant on a Tuesday (hopefully not jam packed with catholic priests mind), send little suggestive suggestions* by email of text, turn off the telly and jump your partners bones instead of getting mad at Eastenders, go for a walk on a cold day and find a pub with an open fire, write bad poetry… actually you can borrow this poem ( you might have to alter it a little subject to appendage)…


I am not really allergic to girls
I am not intimidated by unfathomable curls
I am not really allergic to girls
I am not afraid and awkward as an evening unfurls
I am not really allergic to girls
I am partial to affection and romantic twirls
I am allergic to cats, dogs and feathers
I am excited by  girls all done up in leathers
I am allergic to cat’s dogs and feathers
I am bound by girls free of tethers
I am allergic to cat’s dogs and feathers
I am intrigued by girls and their hidden treasures


So go home and love the one you love and ignore adverts and the badly priced set menus… BUT before you do come down and collect your expenses before 5.30 as I am off for dinner with the girl from six boats down before going to a pop concert. Have a loving weekend






*brilliant name for a band **

** terrible name for a band


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