A complete history of the Moustache *may contain expenses* 30/11/2012

Hello all,

This week I have undertaken a scholarly look at the history of the moustache and its place in the social fabric of this great nation and beyond. In the distant past the moustache was comic device much like the Fez or novelty tie. Hitler in an early attempt to be popular tried the fez and the novelty tie but settled on the moustache when things got heavy, as no man can invade a country wearing a ‘I love beer’ Homer Simpson tie.

With the exception of the late period Beatles and an artist with a fondness for melting clocks the moustache remained dormant in much of the civilised world. Outside the civilised world in places such as the north of England the moustache was still considered the key to the door of manhood… well getting served warm flat beer and impressing the girls down at the local pub or working man’s club. These pitiful patchy attempts at facial hair remained a largely unrecorded anachronism until David Beckham’s attempts at beard growing gave the movement a figurehead and role model.

In the 80’s everything changed when men in tiny shorts from Liverpool conquered Europe wearing what looked like the sweepings from a Brazilian beauty parlour’s floor on their top lips. Also in Europe political change was stirring and in a helpful and simple visual device (moustache east- no moustache west) the moustache was thrown on to our TV news like never before. The exotic and macho imagery inspired a new generation of Brits to wear moustaches… the fad was short lived and superseded by lemon chinos and deck shoes (see Ben Varley).

In the 90’s the simple moustache was paired with its brother the ‘chin beard’ and the goatee was born adding that ‘certain something’ to grunge music fans and thirty something executives. Eventually the moustache went back into hibernation. Then in a warehouse in hackney an art student wearing a top shop Ramones T-Shirt and riding a unicycle invented the ‘Hoxton’. This moustache was a return to the comic moustache and brought much joy to the hard working people of East London.

Today the moustache is seasonal and used for raising money for good causes, much like the royal family and Simon Hutley. Some people dread November as their uniqueness as all year round moustache wearers is ruined. Instead of feeling isolated from society and cool they become part of the pack… they find themselves invited for after work drinks and worse still find themselves being patted on the back in the gym changing rooms for no reason.

So in short come and get your expenses before 5.30 or you will have to wait for Monday… I am not going to give an excuse to why I am leaving on time as non of you are my mother, priest or rabbi.

Cheers

Dominic

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